I was on my bed gisting with my sister when my brother came banging my door. I had earlier heard him lamenting that girls are terrible but I pretended I didn’t hear him. For one thing I am not a feminism freak, I am more of a human rights freak. Whether for male or female I believe that the right thing should be done. So when I heard him lamenting about how terrible and cunning ladies can be I just smiled. Maybe I should have jumped up and told him that men and not ladies are terrible, but then what will I benefit from the argument? It is nothing but a waste of my time. I have come to the conclusion that human beings- male, female, transgender or whatever form they take these days can be terrible, deceitful and cunning. So, I don’t bother wasting my time on forming that I am a feminist. I listen to your argument first then I make my counter- argument based on your argument. So, a general comment like ‘girls are terrible’, doesn’t move me at all.

When he came banging at my door, I knew that it was a serious matter because my brother knows better than to come and bang my door to inform me of the Jezebel nature of my gender. The look of disgust on his face confirmed that he was truly appalled. So maybe it has happened to other guys but for him it was a first.

Here goes the story:

So this girl is his acquaintance or something but definitely not a friend. I don’t know how and where they met but he has her number and she does too. For about six months the girl never replied his chats on whatsapp. She reads it but won’t even spare him a simple hello. I told him a girl has the freedom to choose who to reply and who not to reply. He stopped checking up on her after sometimes.

Well, Miss I- Don’t- Want -To -Talk- To- You shocked him when she replied all the messages he had sent over the months in a day within few minutes. The same messages she had read all those months and didn’t acknowledge. She apologised profusely for not replying his messages giving several excuses. He was still thinking of an apt reply when she told him she needed 250k to rewrite some courses she failed in the previous semester.

My brother definitely cannot have 250k to spare and I would still be using this tiny Huawei phone. The girl wasn’t asking for the whole 250k, she wanted him to give her the remaining 50k or at least half of it. In other words, she has 200k already. For someone who went to a Federal University, the whole paying to rewrite courses failed was strange but the girl explained that she attends a Private University. If she is paying 250k to rewrite the courses she failed I wonder how much her school fees is per session. The first question my brother asked was if she failed all her courses.

She explained that she didn’t fail all the courses but just two of the courses. So if my mathematics is correct, she is paying 125k for one course. All my school fees for the past five years is not even up to 125k. Add all what my brother paid for his four years and my five years, I am sure we will still have enough money to buy a medium box of pizza from the 250k. My brother told her alright and promised her a swift response. She was happy probably because she thought alert ‘go’ enter.

My brother won’t be my mother’s child if he is not smart. He immediately browsed to see if the school was even in existence. He was able to access the school’s website and he called the help desk and made enquiries. He was told that the option to rewrite failed courses was actually available but one course is 50k no matter the faculty or department. He ended the call, called the girl and asked her again how many courses she was rewriting and she said just two courses. You cannot imagine how angry he was that the girl tried to play him.

The whole thing was just funny to me. I told him that there are three options. First, she is not even a student of that University. Second, she is a student but the story is a lie. Third, she actually failed five courses but shame wouldn’t allow her admit it. My brother wasn’t interested in making excuses for her. He was simply appalled.

My Conclusion

If the first option or second option is the case, then she is not smart enough. She should have made necessary enquiries to ensure that there are no loopholes. Not all guys will just give you 50k like that, at least I know my mother’s son won’t give 50k just like that considering your past attitude. A cancer story might work though but definitely not this kind of story.

If it is the third option, then there is no point lying. I think admitting you failed five courses is better than two courses considering the amount involved. On the other hand, if you truly failed five courses in a single semester and you need 250k and you still have about four semesters to go, then I think a private university is not for you unless your father doesn’t mind. You can’t go about begging those who went to strike-infested schools for 250k every time you fail. It simply isn’t fair.

It is either you get your head in the game and try to make the pass mark or simply switch to a Federal University (assuming you are able to get an admission) where you simply carry over without unnecessary cost.

Before I forget, who has 50k to spare? All I want is pizza. At least something to munch on while ASUU and Federal Government are still negotiating on whether I should have quality education or not.


Ella’s Diary: Unwanted But Invited


Hi. I am Isabella but you can call me Ella. Isabella is mouthful, Ella will do. I am probably just three days old, because I am technically a newborn. I thought newborns ought to be taken care of and they ought not to be left alone with no help. But it is amazing that just after three days, I have been left to face this world on my own. I really must have been a bad foetus in the womb. There is no other explanation for why I am in a polythene bag placed beside what I am sure is a toilet.

Okay, you are surprise and wondering how I got here and how a three days old baby knows so much… I get it. Let me take you to the very beginning of it all…

I use to have so many friends from where I came from initially. It was nothing but fun. We all wait for our time to come. We all wanted to go into the famous planet earth. We’ve heard so much about the planet. There was a time Petals went there but after few months, she came back disfigured and there were many bruises all over her, even one of her legs was gone. She said something about being unwanted and all. She cried uncontrollably and refused to be pacified. Petals was a very beautiful creature and her smiles are gorgeous, so I wondered why anyone wouldn’t want her. Lily, Rose and Hibiscus also have similar stories as Petals’.
Their stories made many to be scared of going to earth and it even made some ruthless. I remember the story of Cactus. Cactus went into earth but as usual, he had to pass through the connecting narrow called uterus. He told us that while he was there, he kept his ears to the walls, so that he could hear all that was being said about him. He heard the word unwanted and mistake severally and he knew something was wrong. Not long after, foreign and dangerous objects were coming near him but he knew it wasn’t time to leave the passage, he had about 8 months to spend there. He knew at once that, they wanted to do to him what they did to Petals. Cactus decided that he was not going to be destroyed alone. So, just as he was being forcefully pulled out, he held on to her heart and squeezed it until it snapped.
Cactus returned without his leg but he was not so sad about it because he ended her life. Cactus said he ended her life because she is cruel and deserved no flower.

Didn’t I tell you that I am adventurous? Well, now you know-I am adventurous. I decided not to allow these stories to stop me from exploring. So when the time came for me to go, I was so happy. I even threw a sent forth party for myself. I tried to remember all the tutorials we’ve had on how to behave on planet earth. I was going to be obedient to my parents. I went to the blessing room and carried so much blessings for the earth. My joy knew no bounds.

The guard took me into the uterus and I waited there patiently for the right time to announce my presence. We were told during tutorials, that our carriers are many times oblivious to our presence. We were given several list of tricks we could try to make our presence known. I decided to make her throw up. After a while, I started feeling this violent shaking even in the uterus. She was really doing a great job at throwing up. My carrier must be a good actress because she really did the throwing up act more than I anticipated. I soon discovered that I wasn’t getting enough vitamins and other supplements I needed. I kept my ears to the walls and I heard her tell someone that because she throw up so much, she has lost her appetite.

It was there I discovered that my trick was what is what is making me not get the required vitamins. So I decided to stop the throwing up trick and instead I went for the sleeping trick.
After about a month, I woke up to a very loud noise. I tried to get the words, but all I could hear was pregnant, troubled and disappointed. This got me scared, but I dismissed the thought when I heard my carrier say something about the best doctor at it. She was taking me to the doctor, who will give her the best advise on how to take care of me.

After a visit to the doctor, my vitamin supplies stopped. At this stage, she was past the trick phase, so I was confused as to why she was not eating well.
I heard her tell someone that she never planned for this and that she hated herself for bringing such calamity on herself.

Excuse me please, is something wrong out there? What exactly does she mean by not planning for this. The circumstances were right, she did exactly the act that told our keeper she was ready to be a carrier. I really hate to say this, she did this act severally. Initially, the keeper took no notice of her but when she just wouldn’t stop, the keeper decided to give her what her act begged for and that is me. So, tell what other planning did she need?
And on the second issue, I have a name…Ella and I have brought along with me several blessings, so when exactly did my name change to calamity? These were my thoughts as I tried to think of her statement.

It seemed like she was intentionally starving herself, so that she could punish me. It was difficult without the vitamins, but I decided to be strong. I was already in love with my carrier’s voice, at least when she was not crying. I told myself she would fall in love with me once she holds me in her hands.
I refused to get weakened until after a while, I felt something burning my limbs. Oh! The pain was so much and indescribable. The pain went deep into my soft and delicate bones. It ate deep into my flesh. She was taking some sort of mixture! What exactly was that mixture for? I told myself she probably didn’t know the mixture was dangerous to me and even to her uterus. I wanted to be beautiful for her when she finally meets me, so I did all I could to ensure that the damaged limbs were reformed.

The passage was quiet and devoid of activities until I heard her mention doctor again. Before I knew it, a strange object forced itself into the passage and moved towards me.
What is this doctor doing? Why is my carrier allowing this intrusion? Why is she in so much hurry? I will definitely come out at my own will. Why is that object trying to force me out? I moved back as much as I could, running away from the object. I did all could, after a while, it disappeared, I was happy until I discovered that my leg was gone with it.
My right leg was missing.
I wept for the wickedness of my carrier. She had not even met me, yet she was bent on destroying me. I remembered all the stories of Cactus and I wept for giving earth a benefit of doubt. It is true, these carriers deserve no flowers.

I wept for months, until it was finally the day to leave. I was reluctant to go into earth without my right leg. I eventually went. I cried and did all other stuffs I was suppose to do to announce my arrival. I could hear the nurses gasp because my right leg was missing. I wanted to tell them, a doctor took it but as I opened my mouth, something was pushed into my mouth and at the same time I felt new arms around me. I opened my eyes and I saw her…my carrier, my mother. Her eyes were tired as I suck from her, she couldn’t even bear to look at me. I saw so much hatred in her eyes. She hates me, even though she was just seeing me.

These were my thoughts as I fell asleep. My sleep soon became disturbed as my mother carried me in her arms and ran out of the hospital. She wrapped me in several clothes, placed me in a polythene bag. She dropped me near a toilet crying profusely. She told me to forgive her but that she never wanted me. She said she had a glorious future ahead of her and that being with me will be a hindrance to her greatness.

It was difficult to comprehend. She made me come into this world and now she blames me for coming? I was issued an invite but now I am unwanted?
She dropped a kiss on my forehead as I watched her helplessly. She turned her back on me and not even my cry would bring her back…I cried till I could cry no more…

So that was how I got here. That’s my story

Here I am waiting patiently to be found. But there are two options…either to be found alive or found dead and cold.
Which one will it be?

Photo Source: Google

Oyekan Oluwaseun O

If Your Husband Cheats, Then Jail Him!

“If society doesn’t think that it is wrong and unheard of for my husband to be cheating on me and beating me in this game of marriage, why then should I think of what the society might say if I decide that he spends a while where human animals like him are kept?”

In my last Family law class, there was a powerful discourse and debate among my learning colleagues. The debate had something to do with whether it is actually practicable for a wife to send her husband to jail for his matrimonial misconduct with reference to having another wife.
Just before you ask why a wife would want to do that, let me explain something.
In Nigeria, there are three types of marriage recognised by the law: the statutory, the customary and the islamic marriage. The statutory marriage is what many people do when they say they are going to registry and call it court marriage. Whatever you decide to call it, it simply means you are married under the laws of Nigeria and you have promised to enter into a ‘one man one woman’ marriage. Some churches that are licensed place of worship can also validly conduct this statutory marriage. If you get married in church without going to court and the marriage certificate you are given does not have Nigeria’s coat of arm, instead it has the logo of your church, then you have not entered a legal ‘one man one woman’ marriage, so if your husband should stray, you just have to keep praying for his life.

Let me get to the main gist. For statutory marriage, the Nigeria Criminal Code Cap 38 Section 370 provides for the offence of bigamy. Not to bore you with the legal jargons in the section. The section is saying that, if while you are still legally and validly married to your wife or husband you decide to marry another wife or husband despite the fact that your first husband or wife is not dead, the law says you have committed a crime and that you should be sentenced to SEVEN YEARS IMPRISONMENT.

This provision relates to both the wife and husband but the debate was basically in relation to the husband. That is, where after contracting a statutory marriage, Toke’s husband gets ‘tired’ of her and he decides to get back into the playing and fishing arena. Along the line, he hooks Joko, gets Joko pregnant and goes to do ‘traditional marriage’ with Joko in her family house. Then the ever-ready elders of Toke’s husband family house comes to Toke, make some funny prayers and hands Joko over to Toke as her younger wife.
The scenario I just painted is something we all understand. Okay, after the handing over, Toke decides she is fed up and wants out of the marriage and since her husband has committed a crime, she sues him and he is sentenced to prison for just SEVEN YEARS.
Is there anything wrong with that?

The society has answered this question in a number of ways, based on sentiment. The society we are in is ‘men’s world’. A society where the man is always right because he is a man and the woman is wrongly simply because she has ovary instead of testes. The man can be forgiven for having another wife but the woman is ostracized for straying.

This is not about being a feminist, but if you think it is, then so be it. It is totally unheard of for a woman to sue her husband for bigamy in Nigeria, even if the husband has ‘married 100 extra wives’. The wife would simply be told to exercise patience and that it is not a new thing. To add more salt to her injury, she would be told to remember her children and that he is the father of the children. To top it all, they will tell her that it is a normal thing for men. And so, the woman begins her gradual journey into mental, emotional and physical depression but the society will have nothing to say to help her.

Seriously speaking, where was the society when he was straying and couldn’t control his animalistic traits. He entered into a ‘one woman one man’ marriage with his eyes wide opened and signed to that effect. He could have easily decided to go into customary marriage where it is ‘a man infinite women’ marriage. There was a time when divorce was unheard of in this society but the trend has changed, though, it is not very common but it still exist. Just like that, suing your husband/wife for bigamy will soon become a “not too strange” affair no matter what the society thinks. Personally, I give it ten to fifteen years  maximum.
In as much as the society doesn’t change its thinking cap on some issues, what the society think will soon stop being of any importance.
Toke didn’t marry society. Society didn’t follow Toke to court to enter into a ‘one way’ marriage. Society won’t join Toke in going through the abuse that might follow. It is not society that will suffer depression, it is Toke.
So, if Toke says, to hell with society and sends her cheating and unfaithful husband to jail, then so be it. Society should learn to mind its business especially where it can’t help.

Some are like, ‘what will you tell your children when they ask for their father?’ ‘how will you tell them you sent their father to jail?’
The answer is simple. You open your mouth and tell them what kind of cheat and straying animal he was and why he needed to be sent to a place for people like him.

Who knows, you might even be saving him from trouble by sending him to jail for seven years.

If you can however stay in it, then do so because you want to not because of what the society expects of you.
Our society expects so much but gives nothing in return.

Oyekan Oluwaseun O